Harder Than I Thought

"Mom, will you braid my hair?"
"Sure, honey."
And as I'm braiding, I'm thinkin', "Your days are numbered, mama."

My beautiful daughter, my first born, turned eighteen yesterday.  Like most moms, I remember the day she was born vividly.  They placed her in my arms and I just kept telling my mom, "Mom, I have a baby!"  I was so shocked!  Ha!
Never did I think I could love so deeply!  I found this whole new capacity inside me and it was bigger than I thought possible.  She was amazing.  Plain and simple, she became my world.  For eight years, she was our only child. 
Aside from a bout of terrible twos, she was, literally, the perfect child.  Oh, I know everyone says that about their kids, but Janie is different.  Always has been.  She's a gift from God and there's no mistaking it.  Why He entrusted us with someone clearly so precious to Him, I will never know.  We were bound to mess it up, after all.  I suppose, in the end, He knew that we needed her. 
Janie has taught me, on more than one occasion, to be a better person.  She makes me think.  She opens up her soul so easily and shares it so willingly... and that's where God is.  I hope that when I grow up, I get to be just like her.
Yeah, my days are numbered.  Not too long now and she'll be heading out on her own and building her life.  What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and relive some of those amazing days when she was little again.  That's not how it works, tho, and, after all, I get to marvel at the woman she has become.  It's not without a tear and more than an ounce of regret, but God helped us raise a true contribution!  I could never take credit for who she is, I do so hope, tho, for many more years to come!
I love you, angel baby! xxoo

Lesson Learned... (or I'm trying to learn it, anyway)

Today I saw a woman bringing her baby into the doctor's office for a check up after he had been to the emergency room suffering from bronchitis.  He came in dressed properly and a little sweaty.  He was minus some socks, which his mother claimed he shed somewhere between the house and the doctor.  Mama was dressed in fleecy pajama pants, mud caked tennis shoes and slouchy shirt and coat.  Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail and obviously needed washing.  I heard her phone say "droid" when she got a text message.  Her baby's breath rattled now and again as he breathed thru the green binki in his mouth.  As I sit there observing the two of them while the mom talks to the receptionist I'm overwhelmed by the smell of... cigarette smoke.  I imagine her baby sitting innocently near his mama as he tries to breathe despite the smoke and my heart begins to break.  He is about Bo's age.  I want to run over and grab him and take him away to let him breathe clean air so he can heal... so his lungs won't have to suffer another bout of bronchitis... maybe i could save him from further scarring.
So then I have to stop.  Who am I?  Am I so different from this mama?  Fundamentally?  Or are the scars I leave simply not visible with an x-ray?  I yell at my children too much.  I'm inconsistent when what they need is a rock.  I'm impatient when they ask the same question repeatedly.  How often do I crush them with my words or my attitude?
As I sat in the waiting room praying that God would send the nurse to call us back and fighting back the tears for this baby, I had to fight them back for my own children.  It's moments like this that I have to take a hard look at me... and I'm not always pleased with what I find.  I'm learning that I'm not all that different from other moms.  We're all flawed.  I'm flawed... but I'm committed to do better... and so I will.

My Lisa: Year Two

kitchen dancing with lisa

They said it would get easier.  Not so.  I only miss her more.  It's like trying to hold water in your hands.... she's gone.  I can't get her back.  Wish I were as positive as last year.  Missing my darling friend.  The feel of her hair, her hand in mine... her laugh... her smile.  Sleep sweet, my love.  Missing you.

A Mom's Life

"When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, he doesn't just sit down and eat.  He must first prepare his master's meal and serve him his supper before eating his own.  And the servant is not even thanked, because he is merely doing what he is supposed to do.  In the same way, when you obey me you should say, 'We are not worthy of praise.  We are servants who have simply done our duty.'"  Luke 17:7-10

my calling

If that doesn't describe a mother's life to a "T"!  It certainly describes my evenings!  After dinner, there are dishes and baths and a shower that lasts about five minutes (I'll shave my legs when the kids are grown).  Laying out clothes, checking the calendar... the list is endless.  What I want to do (and I do at least half the time) is just sit down.  Sitting down means that baths probably won't get done, I'll be searching for socks in the morning and I'll be completely surprised that I have an early morning appointment!
The attitude in this scripture convicts and inspires me.  The servant serves without thought of "what about me".  The servant isn't disappointed when his spouse doesn't remark about a job well done.  He simply does what he needs to do when he needs to do it because it is his calling.
As a mother and a wife, I am called to care for my family and home in the way of the Proverbs woman (Proverbs 31: 10-31).  Although I may never reach her status as the ideal, I do believe that my calling is to do the work without thought of praise, recognition, honor or reward.  As a mom, I am simply doing my duty because I have been blessed enough to be called by God to do so.

The Mountain and Sea of Information: Complex Carbohydrates

Ok, so carbohydrates supply us with energy.  Depending on how refined your carbs are, that energy will last a little while or a long while.  Of course, if you're consuming complex carbohydrates, then the energy provided will be a slower and more sustained release.  Herein lies the theory of appetite control.
I am of the firm belief that those of us who gain weight do so because we've eaten beyond our appetite anyway, so choosing our carbs better is only part of the equation.  I need to pay attention to when I feel full and stop.  The other great thing about complex carbohydrates is that they are far more nutritious than their more refined counterparts.  The more refined or processed any food product is, the less nutritional value it holds.  So if I feed my body complex carbohydrates then i will feel full faster, have a sustained and level energy release and will be feeding my body the nutrients it needs to be healthy.
Whew!  Ok, it's gotta be complicated, right??  Not so!  I did a search on the internet for lists of complex carbohydrates.  Here are a few that I found:

• whole grains
• spinach
• apples
• nuts
• dried fruit
• lettuce
• oatmeal
• pears
• asparagus
• plums
• strawberries
• wild rice
• oranges
• brown rice
• yams
• celery
• carrots
• cucumbers
• beans
• potatoes
• broccoli

Those aren't hard to find!  Nor are they difficult to eat!  Watch the whole grain breads, tho.  Read the labels.  You may have a hard time finding good bread choices that don't include poor ingredients like white sugar, corn syrup or processed white flour.  I'll post an easy bread recipe so you can make your own.  I don't use entirely whole wheat flour in it yet because I'm trying to ease my family into eating something new.  You can do the same thing for yourself and your family as well, if you'd like.
Ok, so the first component of my new way of eating is in place.  Purposefully adding complex carbohydrates to my diet.  Next is lean protien...

The Mountain and Sea of Information: Introduction

So, here I go getting downright personal.  For the first time in my life, I've gained weight.  I hate it.  I went to the doctor.  Surely something must be medically wrong.  My thyroid!  No.  Diabetes?  No.  Not that I want to be ill, understand, there just has to be some reason for this weight that isn't actually MY fault.  After all, I've continued to do everything I've always done (which is next to nothing) and eat everything I've always eaten (which is nearly everything), how could my body "all of a sudden" change so dramatically??
Well, it has and that's all there is to know.  My doctor had a very informative conversation with me about diet and exercise and so I'm now heading down this new road of purposeful activity and careful eating.  Add to that the fact that a good friend just suffered a massive heart attack despite careful monitoring of his cholesterol and blood pressure and I'm totally on this new band wagon toward a slimmer, healthier version of me.  Since patience is not a virtue I seem to possess, I am using this blog to help keep me focused on my new goals.
In a nutshell (because nuts are good for you), I'll be blogging about foods that aid in weight loss and control and that additionally will help with my heart health.  I'll be talking about moderation and the definition of exercise.
Because I'll be learning so much as I go, I'm counting on you to correct and inform as you have information to share.  There is so much information out there and I know that some of it is conflicting, but I'll try to stay focused on the main points that are bound to help everyone at some point or another.  The information I give will only be from conversation with my doctor and research I've done on my own.  It won't be complicated because, if it were I wouldn't be following any of it.  I'll share successes, failures and stalls.  I'm counting on you to encourage me along to better health and hold me accountable.
That's it.  The next post will be about complex carbohydrates....

Darn! Busted Again!

I've been battling Mitchell all day.  "Do your chores!"  "Get along!"  "Do your schoolwork!"  Sigh.  Finally I decided that I would leave it alone.  His Dad could deal with his laziness when he got home... not much of an anniversary gift but it hasn't been great for me, either!

mitch... ready for anything!

So here I sit in judgment when Mitchell pipes up and says, "Mom, what's your temptation?"  Choosing honesty over nobility I said, "Feeling sorry for myself and complaining."  "Oh," he says.  "Mine is messing around and playing when I should be working."
Shoot.  He got me.  We all struggle with something, don't we?  Where did my compassion go today?  When did I start yelling instead of guiding and teaching?  As difficult as Mitch can be, there is no denying that God speaks thru him straight to my heart. 
I have been sufficiently humbled.

Nice Man. Think I'll Keep Him.

Well, it's official!  Today I have been married to Joseph for 19 years!  Long time in today's world.  We met through a mutual friend and a few months later we started dating.  We've officially been a couple for about 21 years!  That's a long time to put up with someone, I suppose.  The question was posed, "how do we do it?"  The answer is a lot of hard work and the grace of God.  There's a huge amount of forgiveness and humility involved in marriage, I think.  You soon realize that you're not "all that" and that life is short... yeah, even after nineteen years I can say that life is short.  I've come up with a few bits of wisdom that apply to my marriage...

• I am responsible for my own behavior even if my spouse is being, shall we say, less than ideal.
• As soon as I start saying, "what about me?", I've doomed my marriage.  We go through seasons.  Sometimes it's about you, sometimes it isn't.  Grow up and serve.
• Guard yourselves against intruders at all costs!  Don't EVER let anyone come between you and your spouse.
• He's the leader, but she at least wants to know that she's been heard and considered.
• Stay interesting.  Who are you aside from wife and mother, husband and dad?
• Stop taking each other for granted.  You are both here to serve each other all the time, not just when it's convenient or when you feel like it, or when you think your spouse finally has done something to deserve it.
• Love is a choice... not a feeling.  Choose to love your spouse.  You're a big girl, you can do it!

So, because we've been married for 19 years and I have all of these great pearls of wisdom that means Joe and I have it down.... right??  bahahahahahahahaha!  Oh, man, that's funny!  Yeah, funny but not likely.  We pray and we rely on Biblical training.  Without the training we'd be doomed for sure.  If you haven't participated in a marriage seminar or had biblical marriage counseling, I'd encourage you to do that---even if everything is going great in your marriage.  Satan is roaming about the earth like a hungry lion seeking to devour whom he may. (1Peter 5:8)  Don't let your marriage be the "weak" or "sickly" or "young" one that that hungry lion devours.  And remember, "anger gives the devil a mighty foot hold." (Ephesians 4:26-27)  Besides that, anger is arrogant.
There's an enemy to our happy homes out there and he's dying to get in.  Guard yourselves.  Believe that the next home he poisons could easily be yours and fortify your marriage at all costs.  You will never be sorry you did.  And neither will your kids.

JoAnna's Chicken

When I first came to La Grande, I was looking into going to college... more than 20 years ago!!  I was here with my best friend and her cousin and we were staying at their relative's home.  Her name was JoAnna and she was a school teacher.  For dinner she made this chicken and it's been a staple at my house ever since.

two chicken breasts... the crumbs are so completely addicting!

JoAnna's Chicken

4 bone-in chicken leg quarters
2 cups of bread crumbs
1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. garlic
3/4 cup of butter, melted

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Combine bread crumbs, cheese, salt, pepper and garlic in a gallon size ziploc bag.  Coat the chicken pieces with the melted butter then dip them into the crumb mixture and place them in a 9x13 baking dish.  Pour the leftover butter and crumb mixture over the top of the chicken and bake for about 1 1/4 hours til meat thermometer reads 165 degrees.

Mini Unit Study: Fire Safety

max standing by the "wee-ooo" (his word for any vehicle with a siren!)

Well, since we had moved into our new house quite some time ago, we were clearly overdue for some fire safety training in our new locale!  I set up a mini-unit study on fire safety and we established our place to meet, fire safety rules and floor plan.  We installed two more smoke detectors and learned about the fire escape ladder located upstairs in Janie's room.  We talked about fire safety in the kitchen and throughout the house.  We got great ideas from www.sparky.org including a checklist and a printable floor plan.  They also have games on the site that reinforce what our kids learned.  We stretched the unit study to about a week and finished with a trip to the local fire department with our local homeschool group!  Clearly unit studies don't have to be big and involved.  Pick a little subject and try it for a week.  I love it!  They're really fun!

"It's All Over Over There!"

Finally!  The end of World War Two!  Yikes!  When we began this journey, we had no idea where it would take us.  Because I took on the whole war at once, we merely scratched the surface.  If you choose to do a unit study on World War II, I suggest breaking it up.... study the homefront, rationing, a few battles, a single country... there is so much to this subject that taking it on in bits and pieces is more effective than trying to digest the whole!

props for the presentation

To do this unit study, we did a half hour activity (or active learning) first thing and then 30 more minutes of me reading aloud to the kids.  We decided to read "Anne Frank, Diary of a Young Girl" during this time.  While I read the kids worked on the timeline (more on that later) or drew pictures of what they were hearing me read.  It was tough getting a lot of reading done in that half hour with a three year old and and infant demanding attention.  We found the book to be interesting and boring all at the same time.  It was interesting how they were forced to live during their time of hiding, but naturally repetitious.  Because it became a bit of a drudge and because the kids had watched a movie based on the book, we settled for reading only half the book and then the epilogue.  We spent an hour one morning whispering to see how difficult it must've been for the residents of the Secret Annex on a daily basis to protect themselves from discovery.  In retrospect, I would've tried "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom instead.  Actually, I've never read that book but I was disappointed that Anne Frank made little or no reference to her faith in her diary.  It was sad to me that they hid, suffered and died because of their religious beliefs and yet it did not seem to play a pivotal role in their daily life.
Alright, beyond Anne Frank, we learned a lot through a movie that we watched called "The 1940s House".  The movie was a bit of a documentary that chose a modern family to place in a house and situations fashioned exactly like one would find in England in the 1940s.  It's about a three hour movie but well worth the time.  We also watched "D-day to Berlin".  This is a much shorter documentary that moved along rather quickly and showed real and up-close footage of the war.  It certainly made an impact with the children.
Aside from movies and books, the kids did a trivia game, made yellow Stars of David out of popsicle sticks, a model of a bomb shelter and made a rather impressive timeline!  During the presentation, Mitch did a sock puppet show that was the fastest summary of the war ever given!  Janie did a detailed report on Anne Frank.  Her read aloud was excellent!  That was super exciting for me since reading aloud is really far out of her comfort zone.  Mitch figured out how to drop a "bomb" on his shelter with a straight pin and grenade shaped balloons with a couple of beans in them for weight... that was a big hit with Josiah and Hailey who were here as guests!
We learned a lot, but I have to say that I'm totally burned out!  Maybe next year we'll take on just a portion of the war, but it's gonna be awhile before I have the energy to invest in this subject again!

Coffee With Grandpa

I'm a silly and sentimental girl, but so many things mean so much to me.  Sometimes I hang on to silly things because they belonged to someone I love.  The idea that that person touched the item and used it, even in the most casual way, means the world to me.  It puts them in my life again and again and I love that comforting reminder of them and their impact in my life.
When my mother-in-law passed away I took from the pile of discarded household items a clear glass hand soap dispenser.  She had put some little rocks in it and a sprig of silk flowers to pretty it up.  It was a silly thing but it so reminded me of her.... or the popcorn popper that we finally threw away last month that belonged to my grandmother who passed away more than twenty years ago!  It was decrepit and far past it's prime, but it still worked!  When my best friend passed away, I realized that she was everywhere in my house.  Things she'd touched, pictures on the fridge, things she'd given me... moments we shared were everywhere.  I love that.

My new percolator and a polish pottery mug reminding me of the two people I miss the most in life

This Christmas I got a gift that brought tears to my eyes and still does.  I got a stainless steel percolator with a clear "glass" top.  I got coffee with Grandpa.
When I was little, I would spend the night at my grandparents house on occasion.  Grandma would tuck me in to her bed all covered in pink satin blankets like a princess.  In the morning, I would wake up to hear my Grandpa's deep morning voice and smell the coffee perking just on the other side of the bedroom door.  Grandma would be making breakfast and Grandpa would be sitting at the table in his undershirt waiting for the coffee to be ready and talking to Grandma.  I would crawl out of bed and sit with him and watch the coffee perk up thru the glass top on the percolator and it was such a comforting sound and smell.  Grandma would serve us kids orange juice and Alpha Bits for breakfast.  The rule was that you had to drink your juice first because Grandma couldn't stand the idea of you tasting the sourness of the orange juice after eating the "sweet" cereal!

Grandpa and me at Christmas time

My Grandpa was wonderful to us kids.  He was always happy and never got after us about anything.  I remember going in his room first thing in the morning (before he was even awake!) and my brother and I would run and jump on his bed loudly to wake him up.  Even then, he didn't raise his voice, but treated it as if it were the best alarm clock idea he'd ever seen or heard!  There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him and miss him greatly, but now, every morning, I get to have coffee with him.  I'm so grateful for the time we shared and the memories I get to keep until I see him again.