Parenting Pearls

All of my life I have worked with kids.  From babysitting to preschool teacher to being the owner of a child care center.  Most of the time my clients would come to me for parenting advice.  The truth is, I know a lot... on paper!  Putting Parenting Pearls into practice, and into practice consistently, is far harder than giving the advice that's for sure!  As the mom of four kids that have personalities that run the gamut, I've picked up a few things here and there... some on my own, but a lot from some amazing friends and family.  Hope one or two inspire you and I hope you add some of your own!

Mitch building a snowman before school

• You are responsible for your own behavior regardless of anyone else.  Just because your sister is being a snotty pants doesn't make it ok for you to be snotty pants, too.
• My friend Stacie is a mother of six and she says that it is her job to work her way out of a job.  I love that!  It is my job to train my children to eventually not need me to do it all for them anymore.
• Kids will reach as high as you set the bar.  If you don't expect much, you won't get much.
• I'm convinced that every child needs a schedule.  It's that consistency thing.  Every single one of them, regardless of personality does better on a schedule and the more difficult they are, the more they need the schedule.
• I read in a book once that getting up after the children is a form of suicide.  A bit bold but the point is well taken!  My sister gets up early every morning so she can have that time all to herself before her family needs to be up and getting ready for the day.  It's a time for her to read the paper and drink coffee in utter silence!  What bliss!
• I hate folding laundry.  Now that we live in a teeny tiny house, leaving piles of clean laundry isn't an option.  That's a good thing, I know, but I still hate to fold laundry.  Worse than that, I hate putting it away.  Well, I've solved part of that problem and, at the suggestion of a great friend, I'm on the verge of solving the rest of it!  I've decided it's time that my big boys learn to fold their own laundry.  I'm going to get a small laundry basket for each child and put their unfolded laundry in it.  I'll teach my boys how to fold the laundry and then they can take their basket upstairs and put the clothes in the drawers.  My friend Stacie pointed out that since their drawers get ransacked daily, why are we putting in all the effort to fold the clothes just to have them unfolded again??  Indeed!  With this new way of doing things, my boys will learn to fold their own laundry and maybe they'll not ransack their drawers anymore... and if they do, well, then they've wasted their time and not mine.
• School is about learning... not how fast we can get things done and not how much we can get done.  When we start checking things off our list or we're doing things just to get it over with then we know we're not doing it for the right reason.  If we focus on the learning, school becomes more fun and relaxed and we actually LEARN! ... and we realize we have time for family, friends and the fun stuff in life! 
• Families are a team.  My kids can tell you this.  They don't always emulate it, but they know the words!  Everyone pitches in to do their part and some days they pitch in to do someone else's part as well.  For this reason, we don't do allowances for chores in our home.  The work we do at home we do for our family and for ourselves.  It is our gift and our responsibility to care for our home, our things and other family members because that's what families do, not because we're getting paid to do so. 
• I have been so tired of hearing my kids bicker!  Mostly it's the 17yr old and the 9yr old!  When they get going, it makes life a near living hell in this house!  I read on another blog about a mom who makes her kids sit on the floor, hold hands and sing kum ba yah when they choose to bicker with one another so I thought I'd give it a try.  The first time I sat them down they thought it was really strange.  I sang with them like everyone was enjoying a moment with God.  Then, before they got up, I let them know that every time I hear them bicker with one another they would have to do this... and, God forbid we were in a store or other public place when they decided to be nasty with each other!  They got the picture.  Mitch immediately said, "Janie, let's only bicker upstairs where Mom can't hear us!"  Glory be and Hallelujah!  Fine by me!  They have only had to sing kum ba yah one more time since!  They've decided that bickering just isn't worth it.  Best parenting advice I've gleaned in a great deal of time!!
• Say yes more than no and when you feel the urge to say no, ask yourself why.  I tend to say no a lot.  All day long I'm bombarded with questions... "Can we go to the park?" "Do you want to play a board game?" "Can I be done now?"... and the list goes on ...  My immediate answer is either no or we'll see--which is just my way of not committing.  My kids deserve an answer and one that is thought out rather than spewed in a reactionary way.
• When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  I know that I need to take time for myself.  To every now and then take a walk or go out to dinner with my husband, sans kids.  I know that naps are an important weekend event for me.  Taking these times makes me a happier mom who is more willing and able to share that joy with my family.

Speaking of weekend naps.... my husband is on vacation this week and it sounds like the baby is getting ready for his morning nap!  Mama's happy!