Lesson Learned... (or I'm trying to learn it, anyway)

Today I saw a woman bringing her baby into the doctor's office for a check up after he had been to the emergency room suffering from bronchitis.  He came in dressed properly and a little sweaty.  He was minus some socks, which his mother claimed he shed somewhere between the house and the doctor.  Mama was dressed in fleecy pajama pants, mud caked tennis shoes and slouchy shirt and coat.  Her hair was pulled back into a pony tail and obviously needed washing.  I heard her phone say "droid" when she got a text message.  Her baby's breath rattled now and again as he breathed thru the green binki in his mouth.  As I sit there observing the two of them while the mom talks to the receptionist I'm overwhelmed by the smell of... cigarette smoke.  I imagine her baby sitting innocently near his mama as he tries to breathe despite the smoke and my heart begins to break.  He is about Bo's age.  I want to run over and grab him and take him away to let him breathe clean air so he can heal... so his lungs won't have to suffer another bout of bronchitis... maybe i could save him from further scarring.
So then I have to stop.  Who am I?  Am I so different from this mama?  Fundamentally?  Or are the scars I leave simply not visible with an x-ray?  I yell at my children too much.  I'm inconsistent when what they need is a rock.  I'm impatient when they ask the same question repeatedly.  How often do I crush them with my words or my attitude?
As I sat in the waiting room praying that God would send the nurse to call us back and fighting back the tears for this baby, I had to fight them back for my own children.  It's moments like this that I have to take a hard look at me... and I'm not always pleased with what I find.  I'm learning that I'm not all that different from other moms.  We're all flawed.  I'm flawed... but I'm committed to do better... and so I will.

A Mom's Life

"When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, he doesn't just sit down and eat.  He must first prepare his master's meal and serve him his supper before eating his own.  And the servant is not even thanked, because he is merely doing what he is supposed to do.  In the same way, when you obey me you should say, 'We are not worthy of praise.  We are servants who have simply done our duty.'"  Luke 17:7-10

my calling

If that doesn't describe a mother's life to a "T"!  It certainly describes my evenings!  After dinner, there are dishes and baths and a shower that lasts about five minutes (I'll shave my legs when the kids are grown).  Laying out clothes, checking the calendar... the list is endless.  What I want to do (and I do at least half the time) is just sit down.  Sitting down means that baths probably won't get done, I'll be searching for socks in the morning and I'll be completely surprised that I have an early morning appointment!
The attitude in this scripture convicts and inspires me.  The servant serves without thought of "what about me".  The servant isn't disappointed when his spouse doesn't remark about a job well done.  He simply does what he needs to do when he needs to do it because it is his calling.
As a mother and a wife, I am called to care for my family and home in the way of the Proverbs woman (Proverbs 31: 10-31).  Although I may never reach her status as the ideal, I do believe that my calling is to do the work without thought of praise, recognition, honor or reward.  As a mom, I am simply doing my duty because I have been blessed enough to be called by God to do so.

The Mountain and Sea of Information: Complex Carbohydrates

Ok, so carbohydrates supply us with energy.  Depending on how refined your carbs are, that energy will last a little while or a long while.  Of course, if you're consuming complex carbohydrates, then the energy provided will be a slower and more sustained release.  Herein lies the theory of appetite control.
I am of the firm belief that those of us who gain weight do so because we've eaten beyond our appetite anyway, so choosing our carbs better is only part of the equation.  I need to pay attention to when I feel full and stop.  The other great thing about complex carbohydrates is that they are far more nutritious than their more refined counterparts.  The more refined or processed any food product is, the less nutritional value it holds.  So if I feed my body complex carbohydrates then i will feel full faster, have a sustained and level energy release and will be feeding my body the nutrients it needs to be healthy.
Whew!  Ok, it's gotta be complicated, right??  Not so!  I did a search on the internet for lists of complex carbohydrates.  Here are a few that I found:

• whole grains
• spinach
• apples
• nuts
• dried fruit
• lettuce
• oatmeal
• pears
• asparagus
• plums
• strawberries
• wild rice
• oranges
• brown rice
• yams
• celery
• carrots
• cucumbers
• beans
• potatoes
• broccoli

Those aren't hard to find!  Nor are they difficult to eat!  Watch the whole grain breads, tho.  Read the labels.  You may have a hard time finding good bread choices that don't include poor ingredients like white sugar, corn syrup or processed white flour.  I'll post an easy bread recipe so you can make your own.  I don't use entirely whole wheat flour in it yet because I'm trying to ease my family into eating something new.  You can do the same thing for yourself and your family as well, if you'd like.
Ok, so the first component of my new way of eating is in place.  Purposefully adding complex carbohydrates to my diet.  Next is lean protien...

The Mountain and Sea of Information: Introduction

So, here I go getting downright personal.  For the first time in my life, I've gained weight.  I hate it.  I went to the doctor.  Surely something must be medically wrong.  My thyroid!  No.  Diabetes?  No.  Not that I want to be ill, understand, there just has to be some reason for this weight that isn't actually MY fault.  After all, I've continued to do everything I've always done (which is next to nothing) and eat everything I've always eaten (which is nearly everything), how could my body "all of a sudden" change so dramatically??
Well, it has and that's all there is to know.  My doctor had a very informative conversation with me about diet and exercise and so I'm now heading down this new road of purposeful activity and careful eating.  Add to that the fact that a good friend just suffered a massive heart attack despite careful monitoring of his cholesterol and blood pressure and I'm totally on this new band wagon toward a slimmer, healthier version of me.  Since patience is not a virtue I seem to possess, I am using this blog to help keep me focused on my new goals.
In a nutshell (because nuts are good for you), I'll be blogging about foods that aid in weight loss and control and that additionally will help with my heart health.  I'll be talking about moderation and the definition of exercise.
Because I'll be learning so much as I go, I'm counting on you to correct and inform as you have information to share.  There is so much information out there and I know that some of it is conflicting, but I'll try to stay focused on the main points that are bound to help everyone at some point or another.  The information I give will only be from conversation with my doctor and research I've done on my own.  It won't be complicated because, if it were I wouldn't be following any of it.  I'll share successes, failures and stalls.  I'm counting on you to encourage me along to better health and hold me accountable.
That's it.  The next post will be about complex carbohydrates....

Darn! Busted Again!

I've been battling Mitchell all day.  "Do your chores!"  "Get along!"  "Do your schoolwork!"  Sigh.  Finally I decided that I would leave it alone.  His Dad could deal with his laziness when he got home... not much of an anniversary gift but it hasn't been great for me, either!

mitch... ready for anything!

So here I sit in judgment when Mitchell pipes up and says, "Mom, what's your temptation?"  Choosing honesty over nobility I said, "Feeling sorry for myself and complaining."  "Oh," he says.  "Mine is messing around and playing when I should be working."
Shoot.  He got me.  We all struggle with something, don't we?  Where did my compassion go today?  When did I start yelling instead of guiding and teaching?  As difficult as Mitch can be, there is no denying that God speaks thru him straight to my heart. 
I have been sufficiently humbled.

Nice Man. Think I'll Keep Him.

Well, it's official!  Today I have been married to Joseph for 19 years!  Long time in today's world.  We met through a mutual friend and a few months later we started dating.  We've officially been a couple for about 21 years!  That's a long time to put up with someone, I suppose.  The question was posed, "how do we do it?"  The answer is a lot of hard work and the grace of God.  There's a huge amount of forgiveness and humility involved in marriage, I think.  You soon realize that you're not "all that" and that life is short... yeah, even after nineteen years I can say that life is short.  I've come up with a few bits of wisdom that apply to my marriage...

• I am responsible for my own behavior even if my spouse is being, shall we say, less than ideal.
• As soon as I start saying, "what about me?", I've doomed my marriage.  We go through seasons.  Sometimes it's about you, sometimes it isn't.  Grow up and serve.
• Guard yourselves against intruders at all costs!  Don't EVER let anyone come between you and your spouse.
• He's the leader, but she at least wants to know that she's been heard and considered.
• Stay interesting.  Who are you aside from wife and mother, husband and dad?
• Stop taking each other for granted.  You are both here to serve each other all the time, not just when it's convenient or when you feel like it, or when you think your spouse finally has done something to deserve it.
• Love is a choice... not a feeling.  Choose to love your spouse.  You're a big girl, you can do it!

So, because we've been married for 19 years and I have all of these great pearls of wisdom that means Joe and I have it down.... right??  bahahahahahahahaha!  Oh, man, that's funny!  Yeah, funny but not likely.  We pray and we rely on Biblical training.  Without the training we'd be doomed for sure.  If you haven't participated in a marriage seminar or had biblical marriage counseling, I'd encourage you to do that---even if everything is going great in your marriage.  Satan is roaming about the earth like a hungry lion seeking to devour whom he may. (1Peter 5:8)  Don't let your marriage be the "weak" or "sickly" or "young" one that that hungry lion devours.  And remember, "anger gives the devil a mighty foot hold." (Ephesians 4:26-27)  Besides that, anger is arrogant.
There's an enemy to our happy homes out there and he's dying to get in.  Guard yourselves.  Believe that the next home he poisons could easily be yours and fortify your marriage at all costs.  You will never be sorry you did.  And neither will your kids.

Mini Unit Study: Fire Safety

max standing by the "wee-ooo" (his word for any vehicle with a siren!)

Well, since we had moved into our new house quite some time ago, we were clearly overdue for some fire safety training in our new locale!  I set up a mini-unit study on fire safety and we established our place to meet, fire safety rules and floor plan.  We installed two more smoke detectors and learned about the fire escape ladder located upstairs in Janie's room.  We talked about fire safety in the kitchen and throughout the house.  We got great ideas from www.sparky.org including a checklist and a printable floor plan.  They also have games on the site that reinforce what our kids learned.  We stretched the unit study to about a week and finished with a trip to the local fire department with our local homeschool group!  Clearly unit studies don't have to be big and involved.  Pick a little subject and try it for a week.  I love it!  They're really fun!

I Resolve...

I never do New Years resolutions.  They always seem like promises that were meant to be broken before they even hit the page!  This year, however, I may make a slight exception to this rule in my life.  I think that taking an inventory of the areas that I need to improve seems like a rather productive occupation and so I will open myself up and share these thoughts with you.
I hope for a better relationship with God, first and foremost.  I hope to let down at least some of the walls that have been erected over the past few years because of deep hurts in my life.  I hope to experience "the joy of my salvation" more fully every day of this coming year.
Secondly, I hope to prepare my children better spiritually.  To be an example to them and to be proactive in teaching them and encouraging them to learn about God and establish and maintain their own committed friendship with God outside of the family relationship.
I hope I become more disciplined.  Not rigid, but effective.  I know that being consistent can only help my family and myself in every aspect of life.

marveling in a summer sunset

I hope to be more fun.  I hope to play more board games with my kids and take them swimming and for picnics and trips to the park.  I hope to be an enthusiastic member of my family whether we are running around or staying right here at home.
I hope to get healthy... and to view it that way!  Instead of being obsessed with my weight, I hope to change my thinking a little every day about choosing good food, exercise and more water... maybe less beer--maybe. :)
I hope to plan ahead and be smart with my money getting rid of bad debt.
I hope to look for moments that take my breath away and humble me... maybe even shed a tear or two.
I hope to catch up with all the doctor appointments, immunizations, orthodontist, dentist, eye doctor and dermatologist.  They miss me, I'm sure of it!
I hope that by the end of the year I can say that I improved... even if it's just a little.  I hope I can look back and say that I effected someone's life in a positive way and pointed someone toward the Cross.  Tell me your hopes for next year...

Parenting Pearls

All of my life I have worked with kids.  From babysitting to preschool teacher to being the owner of a child care center.  Most of the time my clients would come to me for parenting advice.  The truth is, I know a lot... on paper!  Putting Parenting Pearls into practice, and into practice consistently, is far harder than giving the advice that's for sure!  As the mom of four kids that have personalities that run the gamut, I've picked up a few things here and there... some on my own, but a lot from some amazing friends and family.  Hope one or two inspire you and I hope you add some of your own!

Mitch building a snowman before school

• You are responsible for your own behavior regardless of anyone else.  Just because your sister is being a snotty pants doesn't make it ok for you to be snotty pants, too.
• My friend Stacie is a mother of six and she says that it is her job to work her way out of a job.  I love that!  It is my job to train my children to eventually not need me to do it all for them anymore.
• Kids will reach as high as you set the bar.  If you don't expect much, you won't get much.
• I'm convinced that every child needs a schedule.  It's that consistency thing.  Every single one of them, regardless of personality does better on a schedule and the more difficult they are, the more they need the schedule.
• I read in a book once that getting up after the children is a form of suicide.  A bit bold but the point is well taken!  My sister gets up early every morning so she can have that time all to herself before her family needs to be up and getting ready for the day.  It's a time for her to read the paper and drink coffee in utter silence!  What bliss!
• I hate folding laundry.  Now that we live in a teeny tiny house, leaving piles of clean laundry isn't an option.  That's a good thing, I know, but I still hate to fold laundry.  Worse than that, I hate putting it away.  Well, I've solved part of that problem and, at the suggestion of a great friend, I'm on the verge of solving the rest of it!  I've decided it's time that my big boys learn to fold their own laundry.  I'm going to get a small laundry basket for each child and put their unfolded laundry in it.  I'll teach my boys how to fold the laundry and then they can take their basket upstairs and put the clothes in the drawers.  My friend Stacie pointed out that since their drawers get ransacked daily, why are we putting in all the effort to fold the clothes just to have them unfolded again??  Indeed!  With this new way of doing things, my boys will learn to fold their own laundry and maybe they'll not ransack their drawers anymore... and if they do, well, then they've wasted their time and not mine.
• School is about learning... not how fast we can get things done and not how much we can get done.  When we start checking things off our list or we're doing things just to get it over with then we know we're not doing it for the right reason.  If we focus on the learning, school becomes more fun and relaxed and we actually LEARN! ... and we realize we have time for family, friends and the fun stuff in life! 
• Families are a team.  My kids can tell you this.  They don't always emulate it, but they know the words!  Everyone pitches in to do their part and some days they pitch in to do someone else's part as well.  For this reason, we don't do allowances for chores in our home.  The work we do at home we do for our family and for ourselves.  It is our gift and our responsibility to care for our home, our things and other family members because that's what families do, not because we're getting paid to do so. 
• I have been so tired of hearing my kids bicker!  Mostly it's the 17yr old and the 9yr old!  When they get going, it makes life a near living hell in this house!  I read on another blog about a mom who makes her kids sit on the floor, hold hands and sing kum ba yah when they choose to bicker with one another so I thought I'd give it a try.  The first time I sat them down they thought it was really strange.  I sang with them like everyone was enjoying a moment with God.  Then, before they got up, I let them know that every time I hear them bicker with one another they would have to do this... and, God forbid we were in a store or other public place when they decided to be nasty with each other!  They got the picture.  Mitch immediately said, "Janie, let's only bicker upstairs where Mom can't hear us!"  Glory be and Hallelujah!  Fine by me!  They have only had to sing kum ba yah one more time since!  They've decided that bickering just isn't worth it.  Best parenting advice I've gleaned in a great deal of time!!
• Say yes more than no and when you feel the urge to say no, ask yourself why.  I tend to say no a lot.  All day long I'm bombarded with questions... "Can we go to the park?" "Do you want to play a board game?" "Can I be done now?"... and the list goes on ...  My immediate answer is either no or we'll see--which is just my way of not committing.  My kids deserve an answer and one that is thought out rather than spewed in a reactionary way.
• When mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.  I know that I need to take time for myself.  To every now and then take a walk or go out to dinner with my husband, sans kids.  I know that naps are an important weekend event for me.  Taking these times makes me a happier mom who is more willing and able to share that joy with my family.

Speaking of weekend naps.... my husband is on vacation this week and it sounds like the baby is getting ready for his morning nap!  Mama's happy!

A Lesson To Learn... A Page From My Journal

Tuesday, November 15, 2010

and aren't they worth it?

"I'm sitting here in the quiet of the morning, waiting for the full force of the impending storm to hit.  Planning my day, examining my life.  I read in Isaiah 48 the other day.  The chapter is titled 'God's Stubborn People'.  When I read that, I knew it was about me.  The line that caught my eye was v.2, '...you call yourself the holy city and talk about depending on the God of Israel...'  Do I call myself a Christian and merely talk about depending on God?  Who am I fooling?  Only myself.  I'm short-changing my life and my relationship with God.... the most important and dependable relationship I have!  You know how they say you always treat the people closest to you poorly because you know they'll always be there?  Is that why I treat God in such a 'fair-weather friend' kind of way?  Shouldn't I treat Him and the others around me--those that are closest to me with the greatest love and respect?"

Giving Thanks

Today, Lord, I'm thankful for family.  I'm thankful for a husband who endures the good, bad and ugly of his job because it pays our bills and allows me to stay at home with our kids and teach them.  I'm thankful for the honor You bestow in trusting me to raise Your children.  I'm thankful for a beautiful daughter who is growing into a strong woman and for three wonderful sons who are learning so much from their Dad about how to be a man.

I thank You, God, for parents who are always there to encourage me thru life.  I thank You for any and every opportunity You give me to serve them in return.  I thank You for brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles and dozens of cousins who all, in their own way, have taught me and helped to shape my world, my heart and my compassion.  I thank You for Grandparents that I achingly miss every single day because they made such a massive impact in my life.
Thank You, God, for family traditions.  For things I will never forget because they are etched in my mind as lighthearted days full of laughter and peace.
I thank You for a warm house, employment, and plenty of food.  I thank You for friends, both here and gone.  They are so clearly Your gift to me.  Please don't ever let me take that for granted.
Most of all God, I thank You for the gift of being able to talk to You.  Thank You for showing me why I believe and that my prayers count.

I hope and I pray that I never forget who and what I am thankful for.  I want to make memories for my family that will last a lifetime and continue on for generations.  I want to be the parent that my parents have been and the grandparent that my grandparents were.  I want to leave a mark in this world that points others to the Cross because EVERYONE will see one day that, THAT is the only thing that will EVER matter.

Way To Go!!

At a recent MOPS meeting our group made plates... you know, the kind where you design what you want on a piece of paper and then send it off to a company who will then put your design on a plastic plate.  Anyway, I chose to make mine a "Way to Go!" plate.  Every day someone is "awarded" the way to go plate at dinner time.  The first night Daddy was served dinner on the Way To Go plate... for working so hard for us and having to work out in the cold... then Janie got it for going the extra mile when teaching Spanish to Mitch... Mitch was next for wanting to be a team player when the motorhome cover got blown off in the wind and for saying that he really learned a lot in homeschool (ah, don't we love to hear THAT!)... Max will get it tonight for being a good patient at the eye doctor.  I was even given the Way To Go plate with breakfast in bed for always being the one to get up with the baby and let my husband sleep!  Every one of us, without exception, felt really special when it was our turn to use the plate.  It's been great because it has really helped me keep on the lookout for good behavior and it affirms the good in my kids and shows everyone that what they do is appreciated.  We make a big announcement about it at the dinner table so that everyone knows what special thing the plate user did.  Any plate will do.  Try it and watch the face of the person you give it to.  You'll be amazed!

I Believe...

• I believe that I can do it all
• I believe that school is where my children share germs with others, are socially ridiculed and learn bad manners
• I believe that even though I can do it all, I should have help
• I believe I should spend time every day exercising
• I believe I should nap every day... naps are a gift from God
• I believe that everyone should have at least four children
• I believe that families should live near each other but everyone should live in the one place that their soul feels at rest
• I believe I should be joyful all the time
• I believe I am forgiven so others deserve my forgiveness as well
• I believe in baking cookies with my kids
• I believe in smiling even when the world is falling apart
• I believe medication is a necessary evil
• I believe laundry belongs in drawers not in piles on the couch... like mine often is
• I believe beds should be made every day and sheets should always be crisp, clean and lovely smelling
• I believe everyone should have one friend that they can call on who will always be there
• I believe that bathrooms should always be meticulously clean... even tho mine rarely is
• I believe in family dinners around the table
• I believe in getting up before the children so I can experience the peace of early morning
• I believe in bettering myself
• I believe children should be read to by their Daddy every evening
• I believe children should be bathed every night before crawling into their crisp, clean and lovely smelling sheets
• I believe Daddy should pray with all of his children before bed every night
• I believe my house should be clean but not at the sacrifice of my children, family fun time, normal family living or my sanity
• I believe that parents set the tone for the holidays... either we're stressed or excited
• I believe traditions are an amazing gift that we give to our children
• I believe that parents should leave their children a family home that is filled with amazing memories... not expensive "stuff"
• I believe grandchildren are going to be amazing
• I believe in dates with my husband
• I believe that people connect over a strong cup of coffee
• I KNOW that life is short
• I KNOW that God loves me and cares about the success and happiness of my family and me
• I believe that as long as I exercise a little every day, eat healthy and drink plenty of water, it doesn't matter what size my jeans are
• I believe in taking care of myself, body, mind and spirit so that I can live a fulfilled life
• I believe in learning something new every day
• I believe aprons are pretty as well as functional
• I believe in seeing the beauty around me... and trying to capture it with my camera to share with others
• I believe that one can never have enough beer, chocolate, tortilla chips and kitchen towels
• I believe my children are the personification of what is the best of me and the worst of me
• I believe everyone should have fluffy pajamas and new socks
• I believe in adopting others into my family
• I believe my husband has potential :-D
• I believe that I should not be afraid of people
• I believe that mamas should craft with their children at least once a week
• I believe that homeschooling is an amazing way to build a family
• I believe the most important thing you can teach your children is to have a heart full of service and compassion for others
• I believe the length of my hair and how distressed my jeans are is a representative of my personality, not my age
• I believe the man should arrange for, ask for an dpay for the date
• I believe that wearing granny panties, makes you granny panties
• I believe I am a work in progress until the day I die
• I KNOW I want it all
• I believe that parents are and always will be the greatest influence on their children
• I believe that people need someone to listen to them more than they need someone to listen to
• I believe God has great plans for me... not mediocre ones

School is going great, but...

Well, Max has been into EVERYTHING lately! Yikes! I do a lot more hands-on teaching with Janie this year and Max seems to be constantly pushing buttons on the tv, eating chips, climbing on things, playing with the computer, whining or making a general mess. Ah, the "terrible twos"! So, in true Dorene style, if this were your kid I could tell you exactly what to do and I would be right. :) With my own kid, tho... well, I need you to help me focus. What do you suggest I do with him when he's driving me nuts or, better yet, how do I head him off before he drives me nuts?

Finally Fall... Preparing to be Purposeful

So, we started school last week and it was a great success! Janie is going to the high school in the afternoons and Mitch is in class at the grade school in the mornings. This gives me lots of one-on-one time with everyone. Janie really feels like she's going to be learning more this way and it gives me the opportunity to do some character training with Mitchell. He's really impulsive and has a tough time controlling his anger when it comes to his family. I'm interested in any suggestions you can give me for purposefully teaching him different ways to consciously stay in control (like role-playing a situation or something). Do you have any suggestions? Can you suggest a book that is helpful for raising boys or difficult children? Mitchell is a good boy who has a hard time remembering what's best for him in moments of frustration. He also gets bored easily and CRAVES time alone with both Joe and I. Do you have suggestions of no cost things to do with him or my other kids or as a family? Something away from the house would be great so we have a change of scenery.
Alright, let me know!

So, I decided to start this blog to talk about all of the great things we talk about as girlfriends sitting down over a cup of coffee. We talk about home, our health, kids and their school, money and family. We solve the worlds problems with one tiny little cup... or a pot or two! Suggest a topic or add to one. Let's get started!

Save Me Money! :)

Alright. Lately I've been looking for great ways to save money on anything! One way I do that is by hanging my clothes to dry instead of using the electric dryer. My friend, Elaine, said she saves $30/month doing that... my Mom saves about $10/month. Elaine has 10 people in her family and my Mom just has her and Dad. Post your best money saving tip!